Me and Samantha

Ok, Laney. Your wish is finally granted. I know you will be crying tears of joy when you see this. :) So, here is the deal for today. As a woman, I feel like I have been on a diet for...mmm... about 20 years. This is so completely ridiculous and the most annoying part about it is that I think I have been teetering around the same weight for 3 years now. (Can I just take the time to mention how cliche it is that my first blog is about my weight. God help whomever stumbles upon this blog.) The issue I have with this is the fact that, no matter how many diets I go through, how many marathons I run, how many pullups I can't do... it's just me... me being annoyed with myself that I can't commit. I think that I may change the name of my annoying alterego to Samantha. This is the name I always used when I was younger and I played house with my friends. Reasons Samantha generally bugs the everliving hell out of me:
1. She is never satisfied. This relates to things in general, but mostly to the fact that even when she does start losing weight, she is constantly thinking about how disgusting she continues to look.
2. She has some kind of insatiable hunger problem. She is ABSURDLY addicted to cereal. Any kind, any texture, any flavor. From Frosted Flakes to Lucky Charms to Honey Bunches of Oats. It is competely out of control. She could eat an entire box of cereal in one sitting and assure herself that it's ok to do this because she is using skim milk. What. An. Idiot.
3. She likes to buy clothes that look great on the hanger. If another woman is reading this, you know what a big mistake that is. Sam has a huge rack, and when she buys clothes that are hanging on the hanger and then gets home and stretches them over her huge tits, she becomes flabbergasted by the fact that the pattern has completely distorted and her bra is totally visible through the ever-stretching fabric.
4. She does that ever-annoying binge thing. No purge, just binge and listen to the fat build.
5. She likes to commit herself to things that are seemingly impossible. Marathons, Army Officer Candidacy School, doing a pull up. When I find that these things are not, in fact, impossible, I get annoyed with Sam because she thinks she knows it all and likes to rub it in my face. Bitch

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking that Sam really wouldn't be considered an alter ego persay. She's just an annoying part of me. What a shame. I just looked up the definition of alter ego and it says, "another side of ones self." God, I don't know. I just know that I hate her. The end. Happy, Carly? Sheesh. The things I do for you.