Where did I go?

A quickie:
I went to New Jersey last Wednesday and came back Sunday.
I took the Greyhound and it was... interesting. Story later.
Joni, the person I was visiting in NJ was sick.
I am sick as a dog with a cold from hell. Thanks, Joni.
I would love to be home sleeping, but my boss is in Pennsylvania this week, which means that I am required to be here for people to bitch at about stupid shit.
I am attempting not to use my computer too much as I just read on the Internet that cold germs can live up to 3 hours on phones, keyboards, and doorknobs.
I am still alive, but just barely.
I'll write when I am not blowing my nose every 30 seconds. :) Ahhhhchooo.

YouTube anarchy

Is it just me or does it seem like there is a lot of ASIAN SHIT on youtube? I just go to the most viewed videos everyday and I would say 60 or 70% has to do with fuckin Anime shit. I don't get it.

No money for U! (SU)

Sup homies. It's been almost a week since I last posted, but who cares. I had Monday off for President's Day and Clint and I pretty much lazed around and enjoyed each other's company. It was nice. In other news, I signed up for a Master's class through USU called Marketing Institutions. I graduated with a Bachelor's in marketing in December and I love marketing-related classes. I just find it so interesting to see how consumers work and how retailers manipulate them... uh, I mean... encourage them to buy their products. Ya. :) So, the funny thing is that I signed up for this class and the independent study office people told me that they would send the materials out when the class was paid for. Uh, no shit, Sherlock. So, I get paid on the 23rd, but I had a balance when I signed up for the class on the 16th. So, I paid 50 bucks of it just to secure myself in the class because I know from experience that you will get dropped from the class if you don't pay in time and then you have to go through the whole registration process all over again. It's a big pain. So, I'm like, ok, I'll pay the other 500 bucks when I get paid on the 23rd, then I can get started on the class the following week. (Note: because I registered so late, I have to have the class finished by the 20th of April. No pressure to slack off, I suppose) So, Saturday, I wander out to get the mail and there's an envelope from Utah State. "Hmm," I think to myself, "This is probably my homework that I have been waiting for."
I open it and it's all my materials for the Marketing Institutions class! What the hell?! So, I still owe 500 bucks and now it is Wednesday and I have completed 8 assignments. So, I don't think I am going to waste my entire paycheck on this class since I already have everything I need. I feel manipulative or something, but I am going to pay half with this paycheck and half in two weeks. Do you think they'll still let me turn in assignments? We'll see! :) heeheehee... evil laughter.

Mario Piano

Ok, I was in the mood for some piano music and I found this guy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neAiLZcy8Qk
HOLY SHIT, he is amazing.

Post Office Annoyances

So, here is the annoying list of post office blunders (or having to do with the post office):
#1: My operations management test that I sent in on February 2nd priority mail to take 2-3 days is still missing.
#2: I have been waiting on my corrected homework to be sent out to me so that I can take the final in operations management and on Saturday, I got an envelope with my name on it and someone else's homework inside. When I called USU to inquire about this, they informed me that the envolopes must have gotten switched and they don't know where mine is.
#3: Carly's money order and super cute card that I sent out on January 23rd is still mysteriously floating in space. When I went to the post office to get my refund back, they informed me that I had to send a form to South Dakota and wait 6 weeks for it to process. This basically involves them finding the money order and sending a copy of it to me. What I don't understand is that they are sending it to me to show me who signed to get it cashed. It's addressed to CARLY LANE! How many Carly Lane's are there at that exact post office in Ohio? The update on this is that I called on Tuesday to see what was up, and the automated system said they had no information on this money order because the form was never received. WTF.

The moral of this story is: ALWAYS, ALWAYS pay the extra 50 or 60 cents to get a delivery confirmation on important things, or you get stuck in the vicious post office cycle of hell.

EDIT: Light at the end of the tunnel! I got an email from the person that received my homework. He is bringing it to the independent study office tomorrow to have them send it to me. Hopefully it gets here... knock on wood. I'll keep ya updated
EDIT #2: SO EXCITED RIGHT NOW that I can't even be annoyed by this. I go online to check if my test got to USU today and THERE WAS A SCORE! 97/100! YAY! I'm so happy it is there and not lost in the black hole of forgotten letters. The annoying thing about it is that it was marked in on February 5th. That means my professor had it the whole time and just gave it back to the office to send back, but they forgot to put it in the system when it first arrived. YAY, YAY, YAY... I don't even care that USU is full of idiots. Now, if I can just find that damn money order!!!

Life

Today is Monday. It is the 12th of February. It is the 43rd day of the year with 322 days to go until 2008. It is also Clint's 25th birthday. 25 years ago, today, Clint's mom was in was probably holding him in her arms and thinking that her entire life was about to change. My friend, Jill, is being induced today. She was supposed to be due on the 19th, but now her baby girl, Breanna Marie, is coming into the world on my husband's birthday... and she and her husband will hold their baby girl for the first time and think about how their entire life is about to change. What a feeling that must be. I cannot even begin to imagine. Clint and I are going to see Jill and Mitch and newest baby girl, Breanna, tomorrow after work. I am excited to finally meet her. I have seen her growing inside Jill's tummy for 9 months... watched her little ultrasound pictures get bigger and more recognizable. Amazing. I wonder if I will ever be able to experience that. I am in awe of life. I have watched it grow inside a friend. I have watched her and her husband's relationship change and grow stronger. Tomorrow, I will see the life they created together and get the opportunity to hold her while she experiences her first full day outside the womb. Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. God bless Jill and help her during her labor. Help her not to be too scared of the unknown. Help Mitch be strong by her side and help him to comfort Jill in her time of need. Help Breanna find her way into this world with ease. Help the Akers family to grow and love each other so fully that they didn't even know it was possible to love so much. Life. What an amazing thing.

I HATE SNAIL MAIL

I am really FUCKING ANNOYED with the post office right now. I sent Carly's card and money order on January 24th and it never got to her. Then, I call my school today to see why my test didn't post yet and it's because it was never received. That was sent out on the 2nd PRIORITY mail! I paid fucking 5 bucks to send 3 pages of mail and they fucking lost it. Priority is supposed to get there in 2 fucking days. I am so annoyed. The worst part is that they can't track the damn test because I didn't write that it needed to be signed for. WHAT THE FUCK! I don't know what to do. God fucking damit.

news

The news of the day... well, actually, the news of yesterday, is that Anna Nicole Smith died. Weird...

Value of Time

Realizing the Value of Time
To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who has failed his final exam.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask an editor of a weekly.
To realize the value of ONE DAY, ask a daily wage labor.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who has missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who has survived an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who has won a silver medal in Olympics.

strange

EDIT TO LAST POST: I was trying to find Ashley's obituary online to post on here and I can't find it anywhere. Does that seem odd? Carly, find it for me :)

Death

So, Carly brought up an interesting thought in her blog today and I thought I should post my thoughts on the subject. The subject being death. Death has been my biggest fear for as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl, my sister and I used to sleep in the same room and before we fell asleep, I would always say, "you're not going to kill me in my sleep, right?" It was a little weird. I also used to pretend I was dead a lot. My parents would come home from work and I would just lay in the living room with my hands crossed over my chest like how they put dead people in coffins and I would lay there and try not to breathe for as long as I could. My mom got freaked out when I kept doing things like this, so she took me a hypnotist to try and find out what the issue was. (By this time, I was about 10 and it had been going on for about 6 years) When I get there, my mom comes in with me and I get hypnotized. The doctor asks me how I think I am going to die and I say that I am going to be stabbed and murdered. (This, of course, sent my mom into complete panic) He never did find out what the issue was or where it all came from. It's strange, when I was younger, no one in my family died, I never went to a funeral or even a viewing.
Honestly, I didn't know of anyone that had died until I was in jr. high and one of my friends was hit by a car and killed. Her name was Ashley Wardle and I still think about her a lot. She and I used to sit next to each other in Science class and we would always take tests on Fridays and then pass them to each other to grade. The sneaky thing was, we wouldn't write anything on the tests except our names and the other person would circle the right answers when we graded each others tests. I never had a better grade in Science :) We used to also pass notes to each other by placing them in our respective lockers. The day before she died, I told her I had put a note in her locker that I had written the previous day, but she said she couldn't find it. She never found it because I never wrote it. The next day, she wasn't in school and there were rumors flooding the hallways that she was hit by a car the night before. Everyone thought it was just a hoax until, during first period, our principal came over the loudspeaker and told us she was killed the night before. For some reason, the fact that I had never written her that last note, always plagues me. Everything is about timing. I thought, if I had written her that note, and she had stayed by her locker 1 minute longer to read it after school, she would still be here. I dunno. That's probably stupid. I went to her viewing at Wasatch Lawn Cemetary and the line was OUT THE DOOR with students from school. I went with my friend, Sarah Aagard, and my Dad. I was TERRIFIED. When we walked into the little room where her coffin was and she was inside, I was shaking. I didn't want to look. Finally, Sarah and I were to the front of the line, and I looked at her still body laying there... lifeless. She was wearing a white dress and had a teddy bear in her hand. Her nails were painted red and that, along with her dark hair, made her pale face look ghostly. When I saw it, I started BAWLING. From fear, from pain, from sadness. Her mom and dad and brother were standing in a line by the coffin and her mom grabbed me and hugged me tight. I will never forget her saying, "I need all the hugs I can get from little girls right now." I stayed in her arms and let her hold me. I cried, I shook, I felt like I couldn't stand up for much longer. Then I left. I didn't go to the funeral the next day. I never saw Ashley's family again. I went to her grave a few times while I was still in Utah. She died on November 29th. I think of her a lot, not just on that day. After she died, I used to have dreams about her. She would come and talk to me about whatever. I slept with my lights on for 2 weeks. I miss her. I wonder where she would be today. If she would be at all. Was it just her time to go? I'm a strong believer that everything happens for a reason. Would she have been taken anyway, even if it wasn't that fateful day? I wonder if we would still be friends. I miss her.

Snow in DC and Suby

Well, it finally happened. The weatherman... sorry, the weather PERSON was right. It actually snowed in DC. If you recall, last time he or she said it was going to snow, there was a plethora of rain. It started at 11 last night and went off and on until about 4 this morning. Sidenote: know what's annoying? When people say "4 a.m. in the morning" Like, uh, we know it's morning if you're saying 4 A.M. Or "11 p.m. at night." How annoying. So, anyway, Clint got up at 4 and called into the s.o.g. (sergeant of the guard) this morning to see what the "code" was for the barracks. He said that they were opening at 9 (that's 9 a.m. in the morning, in case you were wondering), so he came back to bed. Clint, not the s.o.g. We woke up at a delightful 8 o'clock and got ready. I got a ride from him, because I knew if the roads did happen to be bad, his Jeep is way more reliable than my Subaru with the bald tires. On that note, here is the story of my car. (BTW, we made it to work fine and I'm hoping Clint doesn't forget about driving in with me and leave me here to sleep in my office until tomorrow)

So, my car. I drive a 1997 Subaru Legacy Wagon. It looks like this picture, except it's silver, and has cooler hubcaps. Oh my god, I just said my station wagon has cool hubcaps. Know what's sad? It really does! This car was with my family when they lived in Holladay, UT, and when they moved to northern California, it drove them there. Before this car, we had 2 other Subarus and they were the bomb. I find them to be very reliable cars with not a lot of issues. It was with my parents in Cali for a few years where it lived a nice life and towed their boat to the nearby lake. Ya got that? TOWED THEIR BOAT! This car has some balls, dude. When Clint came back from Iraq and got stationed in Washington, my Dad and I drove "Suby" (that's pronounced Sue-Bee) the 2,722 miles from California to Virginia. My Dad flew back home and I have had her since. I haven't had a problem with her that any normal older car wouldn't have, aka, brake replacement, battery replacement, things like that. So, I was leaving for work the other day and this guy told me my tire was low. So, I stop at Chevron, take the hubcap off and put air in the tire. While driving to work, I, of course, am thinking that every pothole I hit is deflating my already low tire. When I leave work, the tire is fine (except for the missing hubcap that I cracked when I was trying to pull it off and is now sitting in the back of my car... heehee) and I drive to Costco to get them to fix the flat. They tell me there's a nail in it, fix it, and tell me that I am sorely in need of some new tires because mine are so bald, they wouldn't even pass inspection right now. No big deal. New tires, alrighty. So, I go online and look up the tires I need for Suby. HOLY SHIT! TIRES ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE!!!! So, there is 500 dollars I will never see again. That was last week. I still haven't given in. So, that's Suby for ya. Always tryin to waste my flava... or my money. Sheesh.

EXCITATIONS

While searching over ridiculously expensive gifts for Clint, that if I had endless amounts of cash, I would buy instantly, I came across this site:
http://www.excitations.com/
This is craziness and I would love to do everything on here. I wish I had millions of dollars to blow. Damn it. Damn the man. I would love to do this for Clint:
http://www.excitations.com/take_the_wheel/?u=JmU9MTIzJjUx
Holy schnike. I think I'm gonna save up and do one of the more affordable ones. What a great idea. Things you never though you would possibly be able to do... now you can...... if you have 2,995 dollars.

WTF are they called???

Ok, I need a favor. What are the big ass beanbag-like chairs called? They were really popular for a while. Are they gone now? I thought they were called Loveseats. They are like ginormous... not really a beanbag, becasue there are no beans inside, but beanbag-looking?!!! HELP!

EDIT:
LOVESACKS! For the love of a sack. Thank God, that was bugging the shit out of me. Thanks anyway!

EDIT #2: I just found this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LoveSac
on Wikipedia. Strange how often I look things up and the company is in Utah or from Utah or whatever. :) I found this too and the first sentence made me laugh out loud at work:
http://www.realityblurred.com/realitytv/archives/the_rebel_billionaire/2006_Feb_06_lovesac_bankrupt

If you are Clint, STOP READING NOW!!!

So, Clint's birthday is on the 12th. He will be 25 and that seems pretty significant to me. In my family, birthdays are a huge deal. Your birthday is the entire week and you get a present everyday. I'm starting on Saturday the 10th and going until the next Saturday, but right now it's looking like it's going to be until the next Monday, the 19th. So far, I've gotten him:

MODEL OF A HUEY HOG:
http://www.modelwarehouse.biz/53/775.htm?310
(that is a helicopter used in Veitnam in case you didn't know) This is a model that he will have to take all the parts, paint them, cut them, design them, and glue them together to make it something recognizable. He loves to do it. He is patient... I, on the other hand, am not.

HEATED SHAVING CREAM DISPENSER:
http://www.comfortchannel.com/prod.itml/icOid/883
The deal is this: we used to have a fog-free mirror in the shower that he could shave with while his skin was warm and all that. The mirror ended up sucking a.k.a. the "fog-free"ness decided it didn't want to be so fog-free afterall and then it decided to commit suicide by falling off the wall of the shower and smashing into a million tiny glass shards in the tub. Not so fabulous. So, this gift will be good becuase it will give him that "just showered" feeling on his beard without just showering.

COOKING CLASS:
http://www.fortheloveoffood.com/classes.php
He used to be really into cooking, but now doesn't do it anymore because he is just too busy or too tired. So, I signed us both up for a cooking class to learn to make some easy dishes for couples. Good times and good food. :)

CHEVRON GAS CARD:
http://www.svmcards.net/chevrontexaco/?CFID=2284086&CFTOKEN=44677636
I know this sounds lame, but he is going to love it. He drives a 2005 Jeep Grand Cherokee limited edition and this thing is a gas guzzler. He'll love the fact that: 1. He won't have to pay for a couple fillups, and 2. That it is just a thoughtful gift and something for his Jeep, which he may or may not love more than, well, most things. :)

EVERLAST DESKTOP SPEEDBAG: http://www.sharperimage.com/us/en/catalog/product/sku__EV450
This thing is freakin awesome. In case you are random reader and don't know this: my husband is a Marine. He gets stressed and for Marines, that involves punching a fellow Marine, a wall, or something else equally unproductive. What better than punching something that is meant to be punched?! I know that everyone in his office will love it too. It will probably be completely worn out by March.

MYSTERY DINNER THEATER SHOW:
http://www.mysterydinner.com/dc_schedule.htm
We are going to the Murder Ahoy show in case you looked at that link. This is something Clint has talked about a few times in passing, but we have never really looked into going. So, I found one AND it's pirate themed! Don't ask why, but Clint thinks pirates are awesome. Did you know there was a national "Talk Like a Pirate Day"???
http://www.talklikeapirate.com/piratehome.html
Well, you do now! Clint was totally into it along with all his buddies in the office. It was pretty entertaining. So, all in all, I am excited about this dinner show deal.

That is all I have for now. If you have any great gift ideas for a husband, a guy, a Marine, whatev, let me know! I still have a few more days to fill for the week of birthday fun! YIPPEE! Oh, and if you are Carly, STOP NOW. STOP! Ok, you've been warned. If you don't stop now, you are going to know what I sent you for your birthday. Ok, fine.

The other deal is this: For Carly's birthday, I sent her a card and a fifty dollar money order. I sent it on the 24th of January and her birthday was on the 31st. Bad news... the card still hasn't found its way there. I am worried is was lost in the mail and I don't know what to do about the money order. Should I cancel it and send a new one? How aggravating.

The Weekend

And once again, Carly is my hero. Yay for her and her mad technological skills.
This weekend went well.
FRIDAY
I went out to the Front Page (bar) with Whittney on Friday night while Clint was bouncing. It was fun. My drinking went like this:
Bud Light
Jager Bomb
Shot of Hypnotic
007 yum, yum
The Hypnotic, although awesome when chilled, was not chilled at the bar and was also 7.50 a shot. What a fuckin rip off... this is why I am not an alcoholic. It's too damn expensive. I ended up using like 60 bucks through the night because I was paying for Whittney's drinks too. I was kind of annoyed by this because last time she and I went out, the same thing happened. I don't know why it always ends up with her being drunk and my wallet being sadly vaccated by George, Lincoln, and Jefferson. The cool thing was that when we saw her later, she gave me 40 bucks because she felt bad. So, good times. We ended up going to Krispy Kreme when we left the bar and went home and talked until 4 a.m. when we decided we should probably go to bed. She slept at my place and I could hear her snoring through the wall, but I was so fuckin tired, I fell asleep anyway.
SATURDAY
We both woke up at 8 a.m. Ya, that would be 4 hours later, and we couldn't go back to sleep. We talked for a while and then Ryan, her husband, came over and picked her up. He had gone down to Manasass the night before and slept at the barracks at Ft. Belvoir, which is like 5 minutes from me. He was really fuckin hungover and we all pointed and laughed. It was a good time. I had some cereal and watched Boy Meets World and then Clint woke up 2 p.m. We cleaned, ran some errands then came back, ate pizza, and watched Mortal Combat. You know those movies that the action or dancing or whatever is awesome, but the acting sucks balls? It was one of those. Like Center Stage... all the people are awesome dancers, but they can't say a line convincingly for shit. So, that was that. I went to bed early because, well, ya, I had 4 hours of sleep and was tired.
SUNDAY
Woke up, showered, went to Michaels, Bed, Bath, and Beyond, and Costco and then went to Mitch and Jill's for the Superbowl. I was annoyed beforehand because we invited Whittney (Ryan was working and she had nothing to do) and we told her we were leaving at 430. She calls me at 428 and says she won't make it in time. I'm like, god, you are fuckin annoying. Here's the conversation:
Me: You called? What's up?
Whitt: I'm not gonna make it by 4:30.
M: Where are you know?
W: I'm at home.
M: Ooook. Well, whatever. I guess I'll see you later then. (Knowing full well that she just wants me to tell her we will wait for her.)
W: I just don't want you to be waiting if I'm stuck in traffic or something. I'd feel bad.
M: It's fine, whatever. I'll just see ya some other time. No big deal.
W: Oh. Ok. Sorry again!
M: It's fine. Bye.
W: Bye.
So, I go and tell Clint. Oh wait! Prequel! When I got home from Costco, he told me she had called and told him to tell me to call her when I got home! Why couldn't she have just told Clint? WTF, right?! I dunno. So, I tell Clint that she is annoying and that she knew we were leaving at 430, she should have been ready. She is ALWAYS late and that bugs the shit out of me. Clint's like, well, it's not a big deal if we don't get there by 5, the game doesn't start until 630 anyway. I'm like, hello? It's the PRINCIPLE! So, then I feel bad and I call her back.
Me: How long do you think it will take you to be ready?
Whitt: Ohhhh..... ummmm.... I dunno.
M: (obviously annoyed that I gave in) Well, are we talking an hour or what?
W: Ummm... no, not an hour.
M: Well, how long?
W: I dunno.
M: (Seeing that I am going to have to spell it out for her) Ok, if you don't want to go, then let's forget it, but if you do and you're going to be like 15 minutes, then we'll wait for you.
W: Ok, I can do it in 15 minutes.
M: K, we'll wait then.
W: Are you sure? I don't want to hold you guys up! I feel so ba...
M: WHITTNEY!
W: What?
M: Stop talking and go get ready!
W: K, bye.
M: Click.
Do you see what I have to deal with here? My god. I would tell you about the party at Mitch and Jill's but I'm over typing for now. I'll write about it later.

hi, i am technically challenged and can't figure out how to make this picture my blog pic. damit

Snow day this, mo-fos

Today it was supposed to snow. There was a weather warning starting at noon yesterday. Then it was 4pm, then it was 6pm. When Clint and I went to bed at 11pm, there was still no snow. This was aggravatign because I was hoping to get out of work today and stay home with Clint in bed. If you are unaware, the people of the DC area (consisting of Washington, northern VA and MD) are deathly afraid of snow. Anarchy ensues the minute it is mentioned as a possiblility on the news. People are running to the store in chaotic masses to buy bread, milk, eggs, and toilet paper in bulk. (Apparently french toast and shitting are the main activities on a snowy day) You think I'm kidding, but one day a few weeks ago, DC had its first snow storm of the season, and Clint and I made the mistake of going to the store to get something for dinner. Keep in mind, both Clint and I are from Utah and driving in the snow pretty much comes with the territory. We pull into the parking lot and it is a MADHOUSE!!!! Needless to say, we ended up ordering pizza. (Which took an hour to get there... sheesh)
Back to today. When I woke up at 7:00, I looked out into our parking lot and it was wet with rain. Just rain. No snow. Got that? RAIN. So, imagine my surprise when, as I was driving to work today at 8:00, Elliott in the Morning from DC101 was talking about the closings in the area. Fairfax county school opening two hours late, DC public schools opening an hour late. WTF people? It's FUCKING RAIN! Are you kidding me? Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. How annoying. Must be nice to live here as a kid. I can honestly say that I remember one, count it: one, time that school was cancelled for extreme snowfall. It wasn't even during elementary school. It was while I was up in Logan at Utah State University. I walked out of my dorm elevator to go to class and the glass doors to go outside were white. Why? Because the snow was 6 feet high. I shit you not. It was crazy. It was the first time they had closed USU for weather in 30 years. So, these DC, VA, MD kids don't know how lucky they are. It's supposed to snow today or sometime this weekend, but obviously the weather isn't cooperating with the news forecasts, so we'll see.
By the way, Sam ran 5.5 mph for 2 miles on a 5% incline yesterday. Hells ya, bitches.

Me and Samantha

Ok, Laney. Your wish is finally granted. I know you will be crying tears of joy when you see this. :) So, here is the deal for today. As a woman, I feel like I have been on a diet for...mmm... about 20 years. This is so completely ridiculous and the most annoying part about it is that I think I have been teetering around the same weight for 3 years now. (Can I just take the time to mention how cliche it is that my first blog is about my weight. God help whomever stumbles upon this blog.) The issue I have with this is the fact that, no matter how many diets I go through, how many marathons I run, how many pullups I can't do... it's just me... me being annoyed with myself that I can't commit. I think that I may change the name of my annoying alterego to Samantha. This is the name I always used when I was younger and I played house with my friends. Reasons Samantha generally bugs the everliving hell out of me:
1. She is never satisfied. This relates to things in general, but mostly to the fact that even when she does start losing weight, she is constantly thinking about how disgusting she continues to look.
2. She has some kind of insatiable hunger problem. She is ABSURDLY addicted to cereal. Any kind, any texture, any flavor. From Frosted Flakes to Lucky Charms to Honey Bunches of Oats. It is competely out of control. She could eat an entire box of cereal in one sitting and assure herself that it's ok to do this because she is using skim milk. What. An. Idiot.
3. She likes to buy clothes that look great on the hanger. If another woman is reading this, you know what a big mistake that is. Sam has a huge rack, and when she buys clothes that are hanging on the hanger and then gets home and stretches them over her huge tits, she becomes flabbergasted by the fact that the pattern has completely distorted and her bra is totally visible through the ever-stretching fabric.
4. She does that ever-annoying binge thing. No purge, just binge and listen to the fat build.
5. She likes to commit herself to things that are seemingly impossible. Marathons, Army Officer Candidacy School, doing a pull up. When I find that these things are not, in fact, impossible, I get annoyed with Sam because she thinks she knows it all and likes to rub it in my face. Bitch

As I'm writing this, I'm thinking that Sam really wouldn't be considered an alter ego persay. She's just an annoying part of me. What a shame. I just looked up the definition of alter ego and it says, "another side of ones self." God, I don't know. I just know that I hate her. The end. Happy, Carly? Sheesh. The things I do for you.